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  • Docs put Joan Rivers into a stoma

    New York - Surgeons working on the fallout of Joan Rivers' latest plastic surgery adventure have put the 80 year-old into a stoma according to reports. The procedure is described as a surgically created abominable - uh, abdominal! - opening that...

  • Latest fad in body modification: customized nipples

    Some folks think nipples are intrinsically sexy. Others think they're just plain gross. Whether one finds nipples appealing or appalling, she (or, for that matter, he) can now do something about it, thanks to Nipped in the Bud. "We customize your...

  • Breaking Bad Emmy Awards Lead To Blue Bath Salts Sales Explosion

    Breaking Bad's recent Emmy award successes have led to people placing dishes of blue bath salts around the house to fool people into thinking they have millions of dollars worth of a certain substance about the house, a gossip columnist told our own...

  • Florida Man Unable To Tell Jimmy Kimmel & Jimmy Fallon Apart

    A Florida man was scratching his head in confusion last night after he once again failed to tell Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon apart - at one stage even convincing himself that they were the same person. "I simply do not know which one is which,"...

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  • Lazy days.

  • Won't somebody please adopt the saddest-looking cat on Earth?


    "Hello. Would you like to hold me gently until the void envelops us all?"
    (via PurrfectPals.org)

    This is Tucker the cat, who currently lives at Purrfect Pals Cat Shelter in Washington State after her previous owners could no longer take care of her. Here's the thing about Tucker the cat: she looks very sad. This is because Tucker the cat has some genetic abnormalities that makes her face droop like a botched Botox patient. 


    "I am a clown who cries on the outside, but inside I laugh at a joke no one else can get."
    (via PurrfectPals.org)

    But wait, there's more sadness—these abnormalities also mean her joints never formed properly, and she needs stairs and other accommodations to get around the house. D'awww.


    "Sorry, I was just thinking about the last episode of M*A*S*H." (via PurrfectPals.org)

    To top it all off, Tucker has a skin condition that makes her skin very thin, dry, and prone to irritation and cracking, so she needs to be handle gently, and to wear a t-shirt at all times. Awwww jeez Tucker. You need a very gentle hug.


    "I'm so happy right now! Being cuddled is my jam!" (via PurrfectPals.org)

    All that said, Tucker is still a sweet kitty. According to Purrfect Paws, "Tucker enjoys sitting on laps and playing with string toys! She also loves to be pet under the chin and behind the ears and is great with children!" You heard it, folks. You have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make the saddest cat on the planet happy.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • Adjustment period.

JOKE OF THE DAY

  • Pass out in shock #Joke #Humor

    The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.  Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

    "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said.

    "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."

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